In adulthood, good friends are hard to come by, which is why you should hold on tightly when you find solid individuals who have your back. One of the biggest killers of adult friendships is selfishness. Ironically, the state of being self-centered often comes with a lack of self-awareness. The result is often a broken friendship with only one party walking away with a clear understanding of what happened (Think: Tasha and Lakeisha’s relationship on “Power”). If you have an inkling that you may be the selfish one in your friend circle or you believe that you’re in a friendship with someone you’d consider to be self-centered, continue reading.
You only call when you want something
If you only think of someone when you need them to do something for you, they start to notice quickly and will likely become resentful. If you’re only reaching out to people in your circle when you want something, chances are you’re the self-centered friend and your habits don’t change, you may find yourself by yourself.
You never reach out just to check-in
One characteristic of a really great friend is that they care and one demonstration so said care is that they reach out to you just to see how they’re friends are doing. If you find that you’re almost never initiating this type of contact, it’s because you don’t care.
You dominate most conversations
While your friends are definitely interested in you, you’re not the only thing that they want to talk about. Take a step back and reflect on the last conversation that you had with a friend? Did the entire conversation center around you and the things you wanted to talk about? Did you frequently interrupt your girl while she discussed the current happenings of her life? Did you even wait for a response to your obligatory “How are you?”? If you answered “yes” to either of the latter and “no” to the former questions, you may want to reevaluate the way you treat the people that you call your friends.
Your problems are friend-group crises but you go ghost when others are having a hard time
We all like to lean on our friends during times of trouble and distress. It’s part of being a really great friend. However, if you’re not available to your girls when it’s time to return the favor, it’s a tell-tale sign that you’re not as good of a friend as you think you are. We’re all busy, but we make time for what we deem important.
You make your friends’ life events about you
Self-centered friends have a tendency to make everything about them. If you always end up making yourself the center of attention at every milestone celebration (Think Nene Leakes’ meltdown at Eva Marcille Sterling’s wedding), it may be time for some self-reflection.
You take often but don’t contribute much
Selfish people are always focused on what they can get from others but are rarely interested in how they can give back. This is true for money, time, and nonmonetary resources.
Plans always have to be on your terms
Are you the “my way or the highway” type? Do you always get the final say on where your friend group will meet up? Are you the type to sulk or get in your feelings when plans don’t go your way? If you answered “yes” to any of those questions, you’re likely part of the “me, me, me” committee.
You consistently miss major events for no good reason
Selfish people are known for blowing off their loved ones for no good reason. Yes, everyone has lives outside of what their friends have going on and some of us are busier than others. However, if you’re always missing major events and celebrations for no reason other than you didn’t feel like going, no one needs to tell you that you’re the selfish friend.
You stop speaking to them for the pettiest of reasons
If you find that you’re constantly initiating timeouts from your friends and lashing out at them for silly reasons or consistently taking offense over something petty such as not being the first to receive a bit of information or forgetting to shout you out on Facebook on your birthday even though they reached out to you in real life,