All of us start off our relationships with extreme optimism. If you are looking for a serious connection, the early stages of a new connection can have you dreaming of a white dress and wedding bells. But don’t get so carried away in the fantasy that you miss the reality. Truth is, you may not be headed for happily ever after, and it’s important you recognize the signs so you don’t get caught off guard when the relationship fades. One of these signs is conflict avoidance.
“There are many red flags that signal a relationship will not make it to marriage,” psychotherapist Vanessa Watson-Hill, LCSW, told Bustle. “Conflict avoidance is one of the most destructive behaviors that indicate a relationship will not end in marriage.”
Continuing, “A couple that avoids conflict is not building important communication skills and ways of managing conflict needed for a healthy marriage.”
Here are some other signs, according to the experts at Bustle.
You Are Looking To Marriage To Solve Your Issues
News flash, marriage will not resolve your issues, it will exasperate them. Merging lives with someone is a task in and of itself, and if you lack basic communication and emotional intelligence with each other while just dating, those problem areas will get even worse once you say “I do.”
You Both Don’t Refer To Yourselves As “We”
Using the pronoun “we” indicates partnership and shared goals and direction. If it’s always “Me” and “you,” that implies your paths are totally separate with rare intersections. Some degree of merging is necessary to move towards marriage,” Stein says. If they’re saying, “I can’t wait to spend the holidays with my family” instead of “I can’t wait for us to spend the holidays with my family,” it shows they may not see you as part of their future just yet.
You’re Stuck In A Rut
While we can all fall victim to monotony, if you don’t spice things up here and there, you may ruin your relationship. “Life can get repetitive, it always does,” Maria Sullivan, dating expert and VP of Dating.com, told Bustle. “But eventually your relationship will tire out if you don’t make an effort to try new things.”
Your Partner Is Negative
How happy is your partner? And not in a superficial way–if they are always demonstrating sadness or negativity, maybe the relationship isn’t in a good place.
“If they display constant and consistent unhappiness or mood swings during the relationship, it’s not likely that a marriage is going to solve that — if it even gets to that,” Cherlyn Chong, breakup recovery and dating specialist, told Bustle.
“Likely, they will eventually tell you that they ‘need to focus on myself now’ or that they ‘aren’t good enough for you,’” Chong said.